Ramen Cookies
by Burning 'Til There's Dark Blue
Summary: Alice attempts to bake something that shouldn't exist. Enough said.


**Ramen Cookies**

**Summary: **Well, it certainly wasn't the most _intelligent_ thing Alice had tried, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time.

**Disclaimer: **All I own is my brain. Everything else pretty much belongs to some form of government branch or company or something. So all I own, technically, is my brain.

*~*~*

"I'm bored." I whined, sitting down grumpily on the couch. Emmett and Jasper didn't look up from the kitchen table. They had taken apart the broken Wii and were trying to fix it. Again. Jacob was flipping rapidly through TV channels and Renesmee was listening to Hollywood Undead on her iPod. They ignored my statement. Gyaah. Why did everyone else have to go hunting today? Oh yeah…after the one incident at the zoo last month that we promised never to mention, everyone had to go hunting every week now. Stupid howler monkeys just had to smell close to humans, didn't they? I looked around at the people left in the room.

"I said I'm _BORED_!" I said, much louder this time. Everybody looked at me now.

"Then go entertain yourself." Jacob said as he finally stopped at an episode of that Emeril dude's cooking show. He was making cookies and discussing how different things could all make cookies.

"THAT'S IT!" I jumped onto the couch, bouncing up and down and pointing at the TV screen, smiling, now very excited. Jasper looked at me as if I was insane. Which I probably was. "I'M GOING TO BE A CHEF!"

Before anyone could stop me, I jumped over the couch and ran to the stairwell, straight to the closet. There had to be a decent outfit in there somewhere.

15 minutes later I ran downstairs, wearing my white chef's hat and an apron. Everybody looked at me as I stopped to pose at the bottom of the stairs.

"Chef Alice reporting for duty!" I stated happily. Everybody looked at me in confusion. "Who wants to help?" I shouted, now extremely excited. Jasper was having a hard time sitting down now due to my hyperactive, excited state.

"What are you cooking?" Emmett asked, pushing the broken Wii off the table. I smiled.

"Cookies!" I squealed. They were all staring at me now.

"How are you going to make cookies? We don't have anything to make them with. Jacob and Nessie are the only ones who eat around here…except for Seth... but he's not here." Jasper stated. Killjoy.

"Um…" I ran into the kitchen and began searching the refrigerator and pantry, looking for something that could be a substitute for flour. Finally, I found my solution, picked it up, and ran back into the front room. 10 seconds, a new record. Yay!

"With this!" I put the box on the table. Everyone stared at the box.

"Ramen cookies?" Jacob asked. "Is that possible?"

I frowned.

"It's possible if I decide it's possible. And I've decided it's possible. So there." I folded my arms, proud with my logic.

"Shouldn't you check to make sure this is a _logical_ decision first?" Of course, Jasper had to spoil my fun again. I looked over my shoulder towards the living room, where Jacob and Nessie were sitting.

"Oh yeah…"

"Now who wants to help me?" I asked again. Jacob stood up.

"Well, I have nothing better to do. There's nothing on TV."

And of course, now that he said that, Renesmee got up and tagged along. I looked back at Jasper and Emmett.

"Well?"

"Fine. But if this turns out to be a total disaster, I'm blaming you." Jasper finally said. I jumped up and down, clapping.

"Yay!" I picked up the box and ran into the kitchen, followed by my assistant chefs. This was gonna be so much fun!

_15 Minutes Later_

"I found the flour!" Emmett shouted, walking back in with a giant sack of flour. I was busy making the ramen, but I threw a metal bowl at him.

"Now find the vanilla, the sugar, the milk, the eggs, et cetera. Not to mention the gravy." I ordered. Emmett and Jasper walked off to find the ingredients. I picked the huge pot of ramen off the stove and walked to the sink, then stared in confusion.

"How am I supposed to drain the water?" I thought out loud. That's when a metal colander landed on the counter next to me, denting it slightly. I turned around to see Renesmee giggling and Jacob looking at the ceiling.

"You broke the counter. How do you plan on hiding that from Esme?" I asked. Jacob and Nessie both looked nervous now.

"Umm…" they both said. I sighed and put the colander in the sink, dumping the entire pot of ramen into it. A huge column of steam filled the room just as Jasper and Emmett walked back in, carrying several very large bags. I skipped over merrily.

"Put that on the counter." I ordered, taking the bag of flour from Jasper. He sighed as I turned and walked back to the giant mixing bowl that was easily a foot wide. Holding it over the bowl, I tried to carefully rip the top open. But this was _my_ definition of carefully, and it was a _huge_ bag of flour. The bag ripped in half and the flour fell into the bowl, and on the floor. The rest of it turned into a mushroom cloud, covering everything in its path with flour.

And of course, several car doors opened and slammed shut at that exact moment.

"We're home!" Esme shouted from the garage. I looked around frantically.

"Um…uh…" I had no idea what to use as an excuse. The counter was covered in empty bags of ramen and broken eggshells. Everything was covered in flour. The ramen-filled colander was still in the sink, drained of water. The counter was severely dented as well. Not to mention the broken Wii on the floor, the TV being on Emeril Live, the iPod still blasting Hollywood Undead, Jacob's sweaty shoes on the coffee table, the broken couch that I had been jumping on, the smashed banister from when I ran upstairs, and the fact that the flour had managed to get into the living room and dining room, covering the windows with a very thin layer. I heard the sound of several people running away and two heartbeats decreasing in volume, and I turned to see that my allies had disappeared, their footprints leading out the back door. Great. Just abandon me at the scene of the crime, alone! Jasper was gonna get it later.

The doorknob rattled and I turned back around as the door opened. There were several gasps. Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme stood there in what looked like shock.

"Oh, hi, guys! You're probably wondering why the house is such a mess. Well, it's a funny story, really…" I was smiling nervously, plotting routes of escape. Everyone was looking around, assessing the damage. Esme turned to look at me with a mix of disbelief, anger, and shock on her face.

"Wow, Esme. You look wonderful. Did you do something with your hair?" I asked, trying to seem as innocent as possible. It's not the easiest thing to do when you've covered the first story of your house with flour, and are holding the two halves of the empty flour sack, while wearing a chef's outfit. Esme looked at the kitchen.

"Wh…how…wha…" Poor Esme was at a loss of words.

"Ooh, I love that shirt! Where'd you get it?" Just buy yourself more time, Alice, then you can run.

At that moment Esme snapped out of her shock.

"MARY ALICE BRANDON WHITLOCK CULLEN, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE?!" She shrieked. I flinched, dropping the flour bags.

"Um…uh…Jacob did it?" I whimpered tentatively. I let my eyes drift to a point outside.

"Hey, look!" I shouted excitedly, pointing out the flour-covered window.

"What is it?" Esme was still seething as she asked, but she and everyone else turned to look.

"A distraction!" I turned and sprinted out of the house as fast as I could. I could hear Esme still shouting behind me.

Stupid ramen cookies.

*~*~*

**A/N: **Me: That was fun to write about.

Alice: Fun? I was grounded for a month after that! And Esme took my credit cards away!

Me: _(Is on Facebook taking quizzes, ignoring Alice)_

Alice: Laila, pay attention when I'm ranting!

Me: _(ignoring)_ Whoa, that's a bit odd.

Alice: What?

Me: Huh. The quizzes on here say that I'm most like you.

Alice: …that's because you are.

Me: No I'm not!

Alice: Do you want to bet on that?

Me: …Not particularly. You remember what happened last time we made a bet. And you destroyed half the zoo in the process.

Alice: _(sighs, speaks quietly)_ Guess I better do this the hard way. _(Louder)_ There's a 50% off sale at Hot Topic right now that's going on for the next 2 hours.

Me: _(looks up from computer)_ Really?

Alice: _(entertained)_ And they're selling Fall Out Boy's new CD.

Me: _(hyperactive)_ Gimme your car keys.

Alice: You can't drive!

Me: So? There's a sale. _(Takes Alice's car keys off the shelf and runs off. An engine revs outside and the Porsche flies by the window)_

Alice: I rest my case.


End file.
